Spring is here! The snow is slowly melting. The trees are starting to sprout buds. There are patches of grass emerging from our yard and even the concrete pad by the street, where we place our trash and recycle bins, is usable again! The birds are chirping, and on occasion you can walk outdoors without needing several layers and a good pair of mittens and a scarf!
I can’t speak for everyone, but this winter had me wondering if Spring would ever truly come. It seemed like this season might be the onset of a new ice age, with record setting snowfall for some and freezing temperatures for others. For me, it was just dismal months of cold, gray skies and seclusion.
And yet here it is – the sun, the grass and although not t-shirt weather yet, there is the warming!
Much like people often remind you that Spring always follows the Winter, so will people tell you that better times will come after a loss, a challenge or a setback. Yet when you are in that hard time, it’s often difficult to see what “better” looks like. Much like truly believing that Spring will arrive when there is still 6 foot piles of snow in your yard and wind chills in the teens!
None the less…it happens, in its own sweet time!
This last 12 months has tested me like no other. It has tested my resolve, tested my patience at times and tested my sanity. I’ve dealt with levels of stress throughout my life, but not like the stress that comes with losing both parents in under 6 months, and then dealing with the struggles that linger in the aftermath.
And while I never felt my faith tested, I honestly have had a difficult time in the waiting…
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
I have prayed and waited, waited and prayed – for months! Months of asking why this happened, what am I supposed to do now and how do I move on to find some new form of normal. Months of feeling like things might be easing up, only to have something happen and I’m backtracking on my progress.
And still I wait…patiently…sometimes…
In all this waiting, I’ve learned a little about myself. I’ve learned that as much as I try not to worry about things – I do. As much as I would love to let the little things go – I don’t always. I try to focus on prayer and trusting the Lord in getting me through these days and months, and while I do those things, there is still that nagging worry and fret.
You see I know things will get better. I know it, I believe it, I relish it! I know that while I will always love and miss my parents, that the pain of that loss will slowly lessen and remembering them and thinking of them won’t be as hard. I know that while things are messy with the aftermath, that too will resolve to whatever it is destined to be. I believe it, and in some small, small way – I accept it. But it is the journey and the travel time of getting there that I am having trouble with.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ~ Romans 12:12
There are moments of pure peace, when I’m in prayer. Talking to God about my worries and asking him for the strength to let them go. They aren’t always long prayers. Quite often they are quick sentences, shouts, whispers throughout the day. They can range from helping me know how best to respond to something that has me at odds, to trying to find that darn pair of earrings that I swear I just had in my hand. There are days when I remind myself of Annelle, in Steel Magnolia, who I used to laugh at with all her praying.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you’re satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Yes, I PRAY! When things look bleak, prayer and His Word remind me that “joy comes in the morning”. l will not remain in the wintry bluster of the past year – but emerge, with His strength, to the Spring of the next phase of life. It won’t always be easy, and will not happen as fast I’d like, but it will happen! I know it, I trust in it! And God promises me of it! Amen!
“I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.” ~ Psalms 130:5-6