It’s kind of a dreary day today – a little rain, grey skies, warmer than normal, but at the same time there is a damp chill in the air. A day where it’s hard to get motivated, to get your spirits up and maybe you would just love to stay in bed!
In a way, I’ve been having these “dreary day” feelings for months. I have days where my emotions are just overwhelming and I find myself drowning in thoughts of all the bad things that happen in a life. Family and friends who are dealing with illnesses that don’t have good prognosis, crippling financial situations, worries about the future and people who are dealing with grief over a variety of losses. It is so easy to be swallowed up by it – to allow it to take you over – to lose yourself in the quagmire of it.
October has been a hard month. We just passed the 6 month mark of losing my Mom, a month from losing my Dad and then my Dad’s birthday. I’ve thought a lot about the upcoming holiday season and I don’t know if I have the spirit to celebrate. I find that trying to keep my spirits raised – both for myself and for others – is exhausting some days.
So the other morning, as I was driving to our farmers’ market, I decided I needed a mental reset before the tasks of the day were on me. I took my normal route, but decided to drive a little slower and take in the beauty of a sunny Fall morning in the country. With the radio off and the windows rolled down, I took in the quietness of that time of day. No traffic – just the sounds of nature. I watched the fog hovering in the open fields and some deer feeding in the distance. Birds flitting from tree to tree or swarming from one phone line to another. So peaceful!
As I came around one of the bends in the road I saw the most beautiful thing. There were rays of light streaming from a patch of dark clouds. Those rays were like beams that brought brightness to the field where they landed, as if to puncture the darkness. I pulled over just to take it in. I took a few pictures to try and capture the beauty of that scene – but mostly I just sat and thanked God for the blessing he was showing me that morning.
As I sat there, a small voice inside said to me – “Look what a few rays of light can do to the darkest of clouds. There is no darkness that I cannot break through.”
They were not so much words, as a knowing. A feeling. I pulled away from that spot and drove on to my destination, and into the rest of my day. But the memory of those thoughts and that picture stayed in my mind. I had a good day! I was happy. I had fun in my activities and I allowed myself to relax and be peaceful. Yep – it was a good day!
On days, like today, when things seem dark and dreary, I will remember that picture and the feelings that came with it. I will remember that God’s light can brighten my dark days – if I allow Him to. I can accept that while I may be sad, there is always light. And I will be thankful!